5 03 2007

i was having one of those serious conversations with a friend of mine. talking about church, and why we do it. why we go. what we seek there. how we feel. all that kinda things. one thing during the conversation that he said struck me.

i want to want to go to church again…

at first it didn’t strike me at all. i went to sleep, woke up in the morning, went to church, and all that. then a thought just dropped into my mind. what if things were different. what if i didn’t have so much for me in this place called church.

ok. a little background about me and my church 1st. well, there are reasons why we go to church. for me, i guess there are a number of them.

one. i fetch a bunch of people to church. if i dont go, they cant go =P
two. i play the bass in church. doing that requires a certain amount of commitment in church.
three. to catch up with people i only see in church. through the years there’re a handful tat i’ve gotten pretty close to.
four. my church has pretty much grown on me. going there for close to 8 years now. its not that long. but its not short =]
five. its built in my system already. sunday mornings are for church. if i don’t, i just feel weird inside.

so i pondered. what if i didn’t have any of these. no reason to come to church. no body clockwork. no commitments. nothing. its so easy to go to church. seriously. but longing. desiring. wanting to go to church. would i? would i want to go to church?

suddenly i began to see certain flaws. or rather things i didn’t really like about my church. i didn’t like the classes i needed to go for to serve in church. i didn’t like some of the worship leaders. i didn’t like having to fetch my cyberjaya load back straight after church and not being able to bring them to lunch just because the drivers that helped me needed to rush back to church. i didn’t like it that attendance and classes were placed at such a high priority compared to desire and developing your skills. i didn’t like it that a person who’s slacking musically doesn’t get any attention, but a person who’s slacking in his attendance gets instant reminders to make sure they come.

why do i go to my church? i struggled with this throughout the service this morning. then He touched me. enlightened me. He just said two sentences. and tat was all i needed. He said, “because I’m here. because I want you here”

then it became so simple. the things that bothered me were just lifted away. and i started to see the good this church has brought me through. so many emo valleys. and my passion for the bass guitar sparked here. not to mentioned the supermodel girlfriend i met here.

i guess i let routine mess with me. mess with what i really need to have. desire.

i want to want to go to church…
i want to want to run to church…




One response

9 03 2007

keep up the good work of fetching people to church:)

µ:zikcian : yeah~ thx for the encouragement =]

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